Tossed out a story on the mailing list that I wrote long ago. If by any chance you are on the boards by not on the list and would like to read it, make a post or drop me a line and I'll forward it along.
Awesomeness. Sent in my comments. :)
Interesting story, Mystic! Nice work on the characterizations; Davydd is heartbreakingly naive, but believably so; while we can see the train wreck coming from a mile away, we can also understand why he does not. The paragraph in which he good-naturedly assumes that Garrett's incompetence is the fault of the instrument was particularly amusing; irony can be painful when it's too heavy-handed, but you've done well with it here.
In regard to suggestions for improvement, I have only a few. There were a few places where you had used homonyms for the words that you actually wanted, like "ascent" when you meant "assent" or "broach" when you meant "brooch." When Davydd was playing the harpsichord, the analogy of telling a story of bloodlines and dynasties in the music didn't really work for me, at least not as written. Maybe I'm too literal-minded, but I found the phrasing of that section confusing.
Other than that, nice work. The bit with the wizard at the end was nicely creepy, to the point where I was half-wondering if he was one of the Pantheon in disguise. At the moment there's nothing in particular about the story that marks it as being distinctly MK, but I look forward to seeing where things are going from here. :)
Bah homonyms are my eternal bane in typing. My fingers always produce the wrong one even when I know better. :)
I'll reread the bloodline imagery and see if there is someway to make it work better, though I'll probably be loathe to toss out the theme altogether.
Not a member of the Pantheon, but rather a villain from some of my other old MK stories. I'm glad the creepy effect came through, I was a bit worried that undertones of something sinister wouldn't show through.
True, not much is MK yet aside from the passing mention of various geographies. The city where things were taking place is Ellcaran. I don't know that there was much in the way of explicit information available on it at the time I wrote this story. Does anyone find it an implausible portrayal?
Nor do I. The only thing I know for sure about Ellcaran is that there's a major university there, so it's probably a pretty affluent place. The overall feel of this story's setting is more Renaissance than High Middle Ages, but that's not unreasonable in a place that has long devoted itself to learning; they're probably a little ahead of the curve, technologically speaking.
I've always portrayed Ellcaran as a merchant town, so I thought his descriptions were quite reasonable.
<nods> It's definitely the biggest city in its area. Ellcaran has been the seat of one of the Lothanasi High Council members for at least the last hundred and fifty years — they got one of the seats that were opened up when the Elves withdrew from the Council. (The other Elven seat was given to Whales, which hadn't had a Councilor before due to the relatively small number of religious people in that land.)
I would say that Whales has become more religious than it used to be a hundred years ago. The idea of a secular agnostic country in a fantasy setting has me baffled honestly.
Ut Prosim
I don't think it's as unbelievable as you suggest. Whales is modeled after Greece, which has a long tradition of secular philosophy. People in classical Greece paid lip service to the gods, but they didn't really have any faith in them as we would understand the concept. Whales also has lower mana levels than most of the world, so the gods have paid it little attention over the years — it was too expensive to work large-scale magic there, so it wasn't worth investing in. That's why Whales has perfected alchemy but has almost no wizards; alchemy works much better than wizardry in low-mana environments, since at least half of it is just clever chemistry and herbalism.
Given their isolation, their philosophical heritage, and their low-mana living conditions, I don't find it unreasonable that this society would have little interest in the religions of their neighbors, all of whom have tried to conquer or subjugate Whales at one time or another. Besides, one thing Phil specifically requested of me when he left active participation in MK was to help keep Whales as he envisioned it, and I see no reason not to honor that request. The Whalish philosophy makes a nice contrast to the fanatical religious devotion of the Sathmorans and the Pyralians, and shows that one can acknowledge the existence of the gods without wanting anything to do with them.
And even the greatest of the Greek philosophers was put to death for teaching about the unnamed God.
The Greeks were also known for their hubris. And they also were completely conquered in the end, despite their alchemy.
Honestly, in the long run, Phil's vision of Whales has no hope of surviving. You can keep as it is for now, but it will never stay that way, nor will Whales stay the dominant Naval force in the world. Greece, Rome, Spain, Holland, England… how many have once been the kings of the sea?
Ut Prosim
Nobody stays on top forever, it's true. Whales will only maintain its ascendancy on the oceans as long as ships are primarily made of wood and the secret of Greek Fire remains secret. Sathmore is already experimenting with submersible ships in order to be able to approach Whalish vessels without getting torched; when the steam engine is invented and metallurgy gets good enough to build iron ships, tiny Whales isn't going to be able to stand up to the manufacturing power of larger nations.
Saying that they have "no hope of surviving" is going too far, though. Spain, Holland and England aren't the global superpowers they once were, but they have survived, and so will Whales. They've made a smart choice in allying themselves with Metamor, and in my MK2K spinoff that's a large part of why they have remained free and independent. Just as England today is a nation of respectable economic power, but is dependent on its relationship with the US for defense, so Whales has become increasingly reliant on the global security provided by the Empire of Metamor — and since the Whalish are about as anti-imperialist as you can get, you can imagine how that rankles them. :)